The gorgeous Marilyn Walker and I did an interview for my friend, Sapna for The Asian Radio Show last Saturday, about what its like being single in the Asian community.
Marilyn Walker and I at The Asian Radio Show
Being an older single Asian woman is not easy. the Chinese called them 老处女、老小姐、老姑婆、倉底货、剩女、中女、卖剩蔗、箩底橙、摄灶罅、败犬。 The Japanese called them 負け犬. None of these are good words – it all implies an older single woman a loser.
There is a cultural element in pressuring Asian women to be married – Asian, with a very Confucius upbringing, believe for one to be successful, one needs to be able to manage a family. A girl who has a successful career is not enough if she cannot find a mate and have a family. Raising children, supporting your husband and looking after your parents and parents in law is more important than having a successful career.
In the show, both Marilyn and I spoke about how us Asian chicks are seen as either a bar girl who get picked up by an older white man, or a mistress. Many white men finds independent, successful, slightly older Asian women very attractive. Do a little search on “Asian Porn”, in the Western world, and you will find a lot of East Asian looking girls, who aren’t necessary 18 – 22 years old.
Older independent Asian women are attractive because:
- Asian women are supposedly submissive – they know how look after the men well;
- Independent women mean she does not need to be looked after and needs little care;
- Asian women don’t age the same way – so even though they are 30, they look like 20-something – and more mature women are easier to talk to than a teenage girl;
- and, Asian women is just more exotic. Right?
"Chinese" is a sexual orientation?
While single, older Asian women maybe more attractive it is simply sad that we are still being seen as an exotic erotic object. Sure, what girls don’t like to be told they are beautiful, smart, and perhaps, even someone’s fantasy?
Asian women do not need the pressure to be an erotic object; nor the pressure to set up families. The important thing is the freedom for any women, of any ethnicity, to be able to do whatever she wants to do and be whoever she wants to be.
26
Apr
Prejudicism, racism, and assumptions live in everyone of us
Assumptions are human nature. We make assumptions of people based on our learnt experiences. This helps us to identify who are our friends, who are our enemies, and how we may approach strangers.
I work everyday with communities who talks about racism. Most racism is based on assumptions about people of a certain phenotype – that is, how they looked.
There is the old saying “judge a book by its cover”. We judge people, not only race, but many different ways, depending on how they look. We judge whether someone is wealthy, poor, young, old, sporty, casual, professional, etc, based on how they look. So it is not strange if we judge people by how they look.
Of course, racism is more than just how they look – it is also about how their name is spelt, how they speak, their accents, and more.
"We're a culture, not a costume" by Students Teaching Against Racism in Society, an Ohio University student group.
We know there are a lot of discussion about racism against the ethnic community – institutional racism, names calling, the list goes on. What have been really disturbing for me recently is the racism from the ethnic communities against each other and against the Caucasian community.
I had a White South African guy who said, in a meeting with other ethnic representatives that the Chinese has too much. During break time, asked how my work with the Chinese community is – simply because I am Chinese. This comment was made, despite the fact that I mentioned my work at the Council represent pan-ethnic.
In other meetings, I keep hearing my colleagues from the ethnic communities make these discriminatory comments about the “white people”; saying that white people don’t know our needs; the old White men go and take young Asian brides and be treated like a King, etc etc.
Being openly racist is not okay – and all of us that works with the ethnic community understand this. So why did anyone think it is okay to make racist comments about other people from the ethnic communities or the Caucasian community – just because we are “victims” of racism?
It is about time that we stop this ridiculous practice – against each other regardless of race, age, gender and more.
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