The gorgeous Marilyn Walker and I did an interview for my friend, Sapna for The Asian Radio Show last Saturday, about what its like being single in the Asian community.
Marilyn Walker and I at The Asian Radio Show
Being an older single Asian woman is not easy. the Chinese called them 老处女、老小姐、老姑婆、倉底货、剩女、中女、卖剩蔗、箩底橙、摄灶罅、败犬。 The Japanese called them 負け犬. None of these are good words – it all implies an older single woman a loser.
There is a cultural element in pressuring Asian women to be married – Asian, with a very Confucius upbringing, believe for one to be successful, one needs to be able to manage a family. A girl who has a successful career is not enough if she cannot find a mate and have a family. Raising children, supporting your husband and looking after your parents and parents in law is more important than having a successful career.
In the show, both Marilyn and I spoke about how us Asian chicks are seen as either a bar girl who get picked up by an older white man, or a mistress. Many white men finds independent, successful, slightly older Asian women very attractive. Do a little search on “Asian Porn”, in the Western world, and you will find a lot of East Asian looking girls, who aren’t necessary 18 – 22 years old.
Older independent Asian women are attractive because:
- Asian women are supposedly submissive – they know how look after the men well;
- Independent women mean she does not need to be looked after and needs little care;
- Asian women don’t age the same way – so even though they are 30, they look like 20-something – and more mature women are easier to talk to than a teenage girl;
- and, Asian women is just more exotic. Right?
"Chinese" is a sexual orientation?
While single, older Asian women maybe more attractive it is simply sad that we are still being seen as an exotic erotic object. Sure, what girls don’t like to be told they are beautiful, smart, and perhaps, even someone’s fantasy?
Asian women do not need the pressure to be an erotic object; nor the pressure to set up families. The important thing is the freedom for any women, of any ethnicity, to be able to do whatever she wants to do and be whoever she wants to be.
